So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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