i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
