I'm going to jail i love you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
