Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw a hot homeless man
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
