He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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