went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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