im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You made out with two different species that night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
