i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
