how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
