xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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