I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
