so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize