I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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