i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
