I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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