I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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