so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
