It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
