Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
