Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
