Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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