I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
