I love black thongs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
