I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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