why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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