so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize