when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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