Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
