"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
