I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
