you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
