Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
