remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
