i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
