I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
