Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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