After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
