dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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