cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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