I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize