Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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