Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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