ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
