Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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