I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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