My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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