On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
