The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
