I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
be right there i have to get my cape
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
