Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
