Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
