sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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