so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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