can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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