oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
