wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize