with your own penis?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
