My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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