Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We left the knife in your bed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
