Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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