someone owes me an orgasm
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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