I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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