Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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