Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
