I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
