mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize