Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
