I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
