I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
