Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize