i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
