sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
