I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
