My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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