just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
