he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
